12:37 AM
Aksh
What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
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Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
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In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,
sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.
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A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home
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Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking‚¦
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Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..
cold,naked,thinking of u,
missing ur warmth,
ur soft touch against my skin.
Where were u "lastnite"
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On April first Stacy goes into labor,
and after 5 hours of labor she finally pops out a kid.
As soon as it pops out the doctor grabs it and starts
shaking it like crazy,
then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's
tossing a pizza dough,
and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall.
Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are
you doing!?"
As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge
grin and says,
"April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."
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A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked
his father, "dad,
what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose
with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating
mayonnaise"!!!
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(.)(.) Nice boobs
>> pointy boobs
(o)(o) ample boobs
(O)(O) Ophra Boobs
(q)(q) Boobs with Tassels
(*)(*) Boobs with Paties
(O)(o) crooked boobs
(#)(#) edited Boobs
(C)(C) Boobs with big nipples
(c)(c) Boobs with small nipples
()() Boobs with no nipples
(=D)(=D) Boobs with Penis's
(^)(^) Perkey Boobs
(X)(X) X-rated Boobs
(Q)(Q) More boobs with tassels
(-)(-) small Nipple boobs
[-][-] robot boobs
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I
feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about
the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and
dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry
about my liver."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I
think not."
"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer.Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza."
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Q) How many Women does it takes to change a light bulb?
A) 11, 10 to form a support group, and one to get her
boyfriend to do it.
Q)How many female activist does it take to change a
light bulb?
A)2, One to do it, and one to bitch about it.
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In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first
time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to
the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up,
she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above.
"For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell
out of the fish now?!"
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A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last
night's dream.
"I was at an auction for dicks. The big ones sold
for $1,000
and the tiny ones for $10."
The husband says, "What about one my size?"
His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs
to herself.]The husband wants revenge, so the next morning
he tells his wife about his dream last night.
"I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
one's sold
for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"
The husband smiles and says, "That's where they
held the auction."
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said,
"TWO PROSTITUTES . . . $50.00." A policeman seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time another car passed with a sign saying "Jesus Saves."
They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "well,
that's a little different it pertains to religion."
So they took their sign down and the next day there they were,
driving around town with a new sign which said, "l;Two Angels Seeking Peter . . . $50.00."
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Q)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A)Divorced
Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?
A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!
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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"F*ck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT,
they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey -
its not that hard."
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
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A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard.
He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
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A King had to leave his Kingdom for some business.
He was afraid that his only Daughter would be taken
advantage of by some of the Guards because she was a very deep sleeper.
So before he left, he slipped a razor blade between the lips of her vagina.
The King left. That night, three of the Guards did plan to Fuck the Princess.
The First Guard went into her room. From outside of the room, the other two
Guards listened. Suddenly, they heard the First Guard scream. He came out.
The other two Guards asked why he screamed. Embarrassed,
he said that it was so good that he couldn't control himself.
This made the other two smile.
The Second Guard went in. After some time? Ahhhhh!!! The Second Guard came out.
The Third Guard asked what happened. Just as embarrassed as the First Guard,
the Second Guard said that it felt so good that he couldn't control himself.
The Third Guard smiled.
The Third Guard went into the room. He went up to the Princess and lifted her dress.
Outside, the other two Guards listened. Mmmmmhhhh!?! The other two Guards took off!
The next morning, the King came back. He suspected that his Guards tried to fuck his daughter.
He told them to drop their pants. Each of them did. Two of them had sliced dicks, but the third one didn?t. Confused, the King asked why. He stuck his tongue out and said, ?I neba pry fuk ur dahta, I wet lik ur dahta?!
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him,
"But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight,
my love, you drink from the bottle."
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WOMEN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man shou ld do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.
He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done,
new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts,
she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several ! times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
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A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of
face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies in this area have been canceled.
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In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom,
but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.
" He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
no one would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice felling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure,
he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped,
he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure,
he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes,
he was in hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
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Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk.
As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field.
Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens.
The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch.
After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.
Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened?
She replied, It was the best sex I ever had!
Why? asked Farmer Brown.
Well when he took off his pants it wasn'r but an inch long and as big around as my pinky,
but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew as to 16 inches,
then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage.
Farmer Brown said, Well shit, no wonder that bitch was trying to rip my ears off!!
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At a local college, there was a dance.
A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing,
he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". S
he replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says,
"In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says,
"In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
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Q) What do you call a nurse with dirty knees
A) The Head Nurse
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A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her
nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says,
"Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him,
or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself,
but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom button!"
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There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad.
"The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."
The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they stick a rubber tarp on my head,
stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."
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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous,"
The first kid says, "you've got nothing to worry about.
I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep,
and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze,"
The second kid then asks, "what are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A Circumcision."
The second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
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RECIPE:
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
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Why its better to be a man
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
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A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly guy.
He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute.
He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar,
and sure enough she shows up again, o
nly this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there."
"$100 For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her,
and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible"
"Of course it was. Just wait ‘til you try one of my blowjobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500? C'mon, that's ridiculous."
"You see that building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 story building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her,
and once again is not disappointed. He nearly blacks out twice from the pleasure he receives.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon, You can't mean that."
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan
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There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents.
So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?".
And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied
"Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter
"Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?"
and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
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A man and his son were talking about sex.
The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
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of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
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Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
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In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,
sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.
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A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home
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Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking‚¦
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Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..
cold,naked,thinking of u,
missing ur warmth,
ur soft touch against my skin.
Where were u "lastnite"
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On April first Stacy goes into labor,
and after 5 hours of labor she finally pops out a kid.
As soon as it pops out the doctor grabs it and starts
shaking it like crazy,
then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's
tossing a pizza dough,
and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall.
Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are
you doing!?"
As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge
grin and says,
"April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."
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A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked
his father, "dad,
what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose
with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating
mayonnaise"!!!
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(.)(.) Nice boobs
>> pointy boobs
(o)(o) ample boobs
(O)(O) Ophra Boobs
(q)(q) Boobs with Tassels
(*)(*) Boobs with Paties
(O)(o) crooked boobs
(#)(#) edited Boobs
(C)(C) Boobs with big nipples
(c)(c) Boobs with small nipples
()() Boobs with no nipples
(=D)(=D) Boobs with Penis's
(^)(^) Perkey Boobs
(X)(X) X-rated Boobs
(Q)(Q) More boobs with tassels
(-)(-) small Nipple boobs
[-][-] robot boobs
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I
feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about
the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and
dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry
about my liver."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I
think not."
"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer.Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza."
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Q) How many Women does it takes to change a light bulb?
A) 11, 10 to form a support group, and one to get her
boyfriend to do it.
Q)How many female activist does it take to change a
light bulb?
A)2, One to do it, and one to bitch about it.
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In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first
time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to
the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up,
she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above.
"For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell
out of the fish now?!"
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A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last
night's dream.
"I was at an auction for dicks. The big ones sold
for $1,000
and the tiny ones for $10."
The husband says, "What about one my size?"
His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs
to herself.]The husband wants revenge, so the next morning
he tells his wife about his dream last night.
"I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
one's sold
for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"
The husband smiles and says, "That's where they
held the auction."
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said,
"TWO PROSTITUTES . . . $50.00." A policeman seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time another car passed with a sign saying "Jesus Saves."
They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "well,
that's a little different it pertains to religion."
So they took their sign down and the next day there they were,
driving around town with a new sign which said, "l;Two Angels Seeking Peter . . . $50.00."
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Q)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A)Divorced
Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?
A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!
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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"F*ck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT,
they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey -
its not that hard."
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
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A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard.
He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
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A King had to leave his Kingdom for some business.
He was afraid that his only Daughter would be taken
advantage of by some of the Guards because she was a very deep sleeper.
So before he left, he slipped a razor blade between the lips of her vagina.
The King left. That night, three of the Guards did plan to Fuck the Princess.
The First Guard went into her room. From outside of the room, the other two
Guards listened. Suddenly, they heard the First Guard scream. He came out.
The other two Guards asked why he screamed. Embarrassed,
he said that it was so good that he couldn't control himself.
This made the other two smile.
The Second Guard went in. After some time? Ahhhhh!!! The Second Guard came out.
The Third Guard asked what happened. Just as embarrassed as the First Guard,
the Second Guard said that it felt so good that he couldn't control himself.
The Third Guard smiled.
The Third Guard went into the room. He went up to the Princess and lifted her dress.
Outside, the other two Guards listened. Mmmmmhhhh!?! The other two Guards took off!
The next morning, the King came back. He suspected that his Guards tried to fuck his daughter.
He told them to drop their pants. Each of them did. Two of them had sliced dicks, but the third one didn?t. Confused, the King asked why. He stuck his tongue out and said, ?I neba pry fuk ur dahta, I wet lik ur dahta?!
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him,
"But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight,
my love, you drink from the bottle."
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WOMEN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man shou ld do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.
He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done,
new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts,
she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several ! times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
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A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of
face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies in this area have been canceled.
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In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom,
but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.
" He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
no one would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice felling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure,
he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped,
he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure,
he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes,
he was in hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
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Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk.
As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field.
Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens.
The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch.
After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.
Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened?
She replied, It was the best sex I ever had!
Why? asked Farmer Brown.
Well when he took off his pants it wasn'r but an inch long and as big around as my pinky,
but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew as to 16 inches,
then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage.
Farmer Brown said, Well shit, no wonder that bitch was trying to rip my ears off!!
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At a local college, there was a dance.
A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing,
he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". S
he replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says,
"In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says,
"In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
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Q) What do you call a nurse with dirty knees
A) The Head Nurse
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A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her
nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says,
"Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him,
or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself,
but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom button!"
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There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad.
"The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."
The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they stick a rubber tarp on my head,
stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."
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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous,"
The first kid says, "you've got nothing to worry about.
I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep,
and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze,"
The second kid then asks, "what are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A Circumcision."
The second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
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RECIPE:
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
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Why its better to be a man
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
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A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly guy.
He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute.
He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar,
and sure enough she shows up again, o
nly this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there."
"$100 For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her,
and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible"
"Of course it was. Just wait ‘til you try one of my blowjobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500? C'mon, that's ridiculous."
"You see that building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 story building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her,
and once again is not disappointed. He nearly blacks out twice from the pleasure he receives.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon, You can't mean that."
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan
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There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents.
So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?".
And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied
"Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter
"Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?"
and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
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A man and his son were talking about sex.
The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
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