10:44 AM
Aksh
little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
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The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”
Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.
Smaller boy told to the doctor, “I have swallowed a marble.”
Doctor: “I see, Is this your brother with you?” asked to the older boy.
The other boy replied “No, I own the marble.”
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
Two cops were at a far police station and while they were resting there a man comes to them and says “The terrorist killed my child and wife. I would give 50 lakhs to the person who may cut the terrorist head and give it to me.”
The two cops hear this and they go for the terrorist head. Soon they find a terrorist and they start to cut his head.
But as they are cutting his head 50 terrorists comes there with guns and look angrily at the cops. But the cops start dancing and say:
-
-
-
-
-
“WE ARE GOING TO BE MILLIONAIRES!!!!!!!!!”
A husband and wife were shopping at a mall.
After some shopping the wife said, “Darling, its my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric.”
The husband replied, “How about a chair??”
A patient was suffering from a diseases and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked,
Patient : “what are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case i’ve treated. The others all died”.
Son asked the father “Worry causes tension and tension causes disease, is it true dad?”
Father says, “Of course, Yes.”
Son replied, “That is why I stopped worrying about my studies.”
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.
It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”
He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
One friend asked to another friend, “What will you advise your children about marriage?”
Another friend replied, “I will never marry in my life and I will give same advice to my children also.”
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Husband 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Ladies Night 1.0, Celebrity 5.0, Cool Boys 7.5, and Shopping 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Husband 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Boyfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Husband 1.0. Please help!
Santa Singh comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, ‘Get me a beer before it starts.’
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, ‘Get me another beer before it starts.’
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, ‘Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men…
The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ”
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench close by begins to ring with a deafening and highly irritating Rap Tune. Someone screams, “Turn that thing off before I throw it in the shower room!”
The man nearest to the phone reaches over. He engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes, I am.”
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to wake up early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife’s bedside table that said, “Wake me up at six.”
An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
“It’s six, you bum! Get out of bed!”
stub.jpg
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”
Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.
Smaller boy told to the doctor, “I have swallowed a marble.”
Doctor: “I see, Is this your brother with you?” asked to the older boy.
The other boy replied “No, I own the marble.”
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
Two cops were at a far police station and while they were resting there a man comes to them and says “The terrorist killed my child and wife. I would give 50 lakhs to the person who may cut the terrorist head and give it to me.”
The two cops hear this and they go for the terrorist head. Soon they find a terrorist and they start to cut his head.
But as they are cutting his head 50 terrorists comes there with guns and look angrily at the cops. But the cops start dancing and say:
-
-
-
-
-
“WE ARE GOING TO BE MILLIONAIRES!!!!!!!!!”
A husband and wife were shopping at a mall.
After some shopping the wife said, “Darling, its my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric.”
The husband replied, “How about a chair??”
A patient was suffering from a diseases and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked,
Patient : “what are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case i’ve treated. The others all died”.
Son asked the father “Worry causes tension and tension causes disease, is it true dad?”
Father says, “Of course, Yes.”
Son replied, “That is why I stopped worrying about my studies.”
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.
It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”
He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
One friend asked to another friend, “What will you advise your children about marriage?”
Another friend replied, “I will never marry in my life and I will give same advice to my children also.”
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Husband 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Ladies Night 1.0, Celebrity 5.0, Cool Boys 7.5, and Shopping 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Husband 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Boyfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Husband 1.0. Please help!
Santa Singh comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, ‘Get me a beer before it starts.’
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, ‘Get me another beer before it starts.’
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, ‘Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men…
The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ”
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench close by begins to ring with a deafening and highly irritating Rap Tune. Someone screams, “Turn that thing off before I throw it in the shower room!”
The man nearest to the phone reaches over. He engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes, I am.”
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to wake up early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife’s bedside table that said, “Wake me up at six.”
An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
“It’s six, you bum! Get out of bed!”
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