12:58 AM
Aksh
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- A single fact can ruin a good argument.
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- Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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- Never argue with a fool ... he may be doing the same thing.
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- Many arguments have two sides, but no end.
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- The wise speak when they have something to say, the fools speak when they have to say something.
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- The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say something.
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- Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
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- 12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 lite year.
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- A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic.
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- Rehabilitation is for quitters.
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- Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems … but if you think again neither does milk.
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- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
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- Epileptic lettuce farmer makes "Seizure Salad".
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- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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- The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.
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- What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic? Iceberg!
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- Waiter, waiter! There's a caterpillar on my salad. Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.
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- Boss asks secretary; "Do you know the difference between Caesar Salad and a blowjob is?" "No ...", says the secretary. "Great, let's do lunch!" The boss says.
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- Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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- Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ.
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- It's okay for a schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not against his principal.
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- Prostitute with her hand in her panties is "self employed".
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- A vigorous masturbation session is called "Hand to Gland Combat".
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- Learn to masturbate; it comes in handy.
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- A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.
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- Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
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- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
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- Few women admit their age; few men act it.
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- For every woman with a curve, there are several men with angles.
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- Undertakers are nice; they're the last to let people down.
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- The only truly consistent people are dead.
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- A will is a dead giveaway.
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- A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
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- Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
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- We are all part of the ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.
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- "City morgue, you kill em, we chill em!" "City morgue, you stab em we slab em!"
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- Why do they have a high fence around the graveyard? Everyone is dying to get in.
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- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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- The difference between the Pope and your boss; The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
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- He who sleeps on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
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- God didn't promise a calm passage. He promised a safe landing.
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- What kind of fun does a priest have? Nun!
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- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
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- My mind works like lightning; One brilliant flash and it is gone.
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- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
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- Miners with illuminated helmets will feel lightheaded.
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- Beauty is only a light switch away.
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- What is the difference between "light" and "hard"? You can sleep with a light on.
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- This isn't an office; It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
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- A single fact can ruin a good argument.
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- Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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- Never argue with a fool ... he may be doing the same thing.
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- Many arguments have two sides, but no end.
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- The wise speak when they have something to say, the fools speak when they have to say something.
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- The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say something.
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- Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
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- 12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 lite year.
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- A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic.
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- Rehabilitation is for quitters.
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- Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems … but if you think again neither does milk.
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- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
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- Epileptic lettuce farmer makes "Seizure Salad".
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- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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- The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.
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- What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic? Iceberg!
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- Waiter, waiter! There's a caterpillar on my salad. Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.
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- Boss asks secretary; "Do you know the difference between Caesar Salad and a blowjob is?" "No ...", says the secretary. "Great, let's do lunch!" The boss says.
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- Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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- Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ.
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- It's okay for a schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not against his principal.
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- Prostitute with her hand in her panties is "self employed".
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- A vigorous masturbation session is called "Hand to Gland Combat".
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- Learn to masturbate; it comes in handy.
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- A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.
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- Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
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- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
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- Few women admit their age; few men act it.
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- For every woman with a curve, there are several men with angles.
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- Undertakers are nice; they're the last to let people down.
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- The only truly consistent people are dead.
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- A will is a dead giveaway.
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- A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
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- Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
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- We are all part of the ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.
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- "City morgue, you kill em, we chill em!" "City morgue, you stab em we slab em!"
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- Why do they have a high fence around the graveyard? Everyone is dying to get in.
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- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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- The difference between the Pope and your boss; The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
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- He who sleeps on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
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- God didn't promise a calm passage. He promised a safe landing.
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- What kind of fun does a priest have? Nun!
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- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
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- My mind works like lightning; One brilliant flash and it is gone.
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- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
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- Miners with illuminated helmets will feel lightheaded.
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- Beauty is only a light switch away.
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- What is the difference between "light" and "hard"? You can sleep with a light on.
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- This isn't an office; It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
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