Thoughtful Quotes

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Don't take life too seriously. You'll never escape it alive anyway.

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Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.

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Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

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Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.

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They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

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I think that technologies are morally neutral until we apply them. It's only when we use them for good or for evil that they become good or evil.

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Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve.

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Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

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The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind

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Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?

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After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.

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Conquest is easy. Control is not.

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History tends to exaggerate.

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Men of peace usually are brave.

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There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.

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Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

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"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.

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Birthday Quotes

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The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.

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We are not limited by our old ages; we are liberated by it.

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The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana!

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Both women and melons are best when they are fairly ripe.

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To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.

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It is a mistake to regard age as downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

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Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.

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As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

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Don't just count your years, make your years count.

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I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

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Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.

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Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.

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Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.

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Believing hear, what you deserve to hear:
Your birthday as my own to me is dear...
But yours gives most; for mine did only lend
Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend.

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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again.

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Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are born old and tired while others are going strong at seventy.

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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

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From our birthday, until we die,
Is but the winking of an eye.

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My heart is like a singing bird...
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.

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The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to the ages of other women.

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Careful grooming may take twenty years of a woman's age, but you can't fool a flight of stairs.

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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

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When a woman tells you her age, it's all right to look surprised, but don't scowl.

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A man is as old as he feels, a woman as old as she feels like admitting.

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A woman is as young as her knees.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it ... just once.

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My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of … Lord-only-knows!

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Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.

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There's money in wrinkles. A woman I've known for years said, 'You're almost good looking now.'

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The easiest way to diminish the appearance of wrinkles is to keep your glasses off when you look in the mirror.

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Women are not forgiven for ageing. Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

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Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle; old age a regret.

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From birth to eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.

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At the age of twenty, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at forty, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.

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The three ages of man are youth, middle age and 'my word, you do look well'

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The first forty years of life give us the text: the next thirty supply the commentary.

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Big 3-0. It's the perfect age. You can date college girls and their mothers.

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I can't believe I'm thirty. Do you know how much that is in gay years?

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Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

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Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart

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The best ten years of a woman's life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty.

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Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

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George Michael turned thirty-seven today. A beautiful woman popped out of a cake and said, 'I must be at the wrong party.'

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I was told when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.

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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience

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Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

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At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.

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I'm forty-eight, which worries me, because at twenty-four I had a midlife crisis.

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For my sister's fortieth birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

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Middle age is when you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to keep on doing it

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Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.

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Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flushes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

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I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

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Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.

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Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

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Inspirational Quotes

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Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.

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Life is the biggest bargain. We get it for nothing.

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A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

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What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.

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People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

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Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

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The biggest risk you will ever take is not taking one at all.

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Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

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Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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'There is no use trying,' said Alice; 'one can't believe impossible things'.

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'I dare say you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.'


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Belief means not wanting to know what is true.

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Question: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Answer: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

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Yes, life has a sense of humor - in fact life IS a sense of humor. The times when I playfully view myself, everyone else and life itself as a wonderful cosmic joke are absolutely the best times of my life. I consciously strive to maximize those times!


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I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

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I go down to Speakers' Corner, I'm thunderstruck;
they got free speech, tourists, police in trucks.
Two men say they're Jesus; one of them must be wrong.
There's a protest singer, he's singing a protest song ...

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

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Relative/personal reality: The scary, lonely and painful thing you and others believe reality to be.

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Absolute reality: The wonderful, happy thing that reality actually is.

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You can't experience the joy of absolute reality until you STOP believing in the misery of your personal, relative reality.

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If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

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The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

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Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

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You Can Do, Have and Be Whatever You Choose ...
... but you do have to choose.

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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.

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When it comes to choosing we're all pretty much 'scared shitless'.

But there's no reason to be scared, because whatever you choose is fine. Really!

So don't sweat it, just choose something, anything your heart fancies. Your choice will lead to experiences and that's what it's all about.

That's life, right there: Experiences!  It's all trial-and-error, anyway; that's the fun of it!


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Yes, your choices create your experiences.

But if you don't like your current experience, then just make a new and different choice.

Since life and experience is a matter of trial-and-error, there's no need to take choosing - or life itself - too seriously.

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You are here, smack dab in the middle of life, there's no denying that! So while you're here: why not make the best of it? Consciously make an experience for yourself that's overflowing with all kinds of love.


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Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.

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Daydreams are doable. The turn-on is not in scale, spectacle, or cost. It's in the doing. Anything you haven't done is an adventure. Wanting to is the principal requirement. If you can do and want to, don't not. In short, while alive, live.

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Love Quotes

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"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything."

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"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."

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If you love somebody, set them free.

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Live well, laugh often, and love with all of your heart!

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Love is a gift and cannot be earned. It can only be given.

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We may think that holding on to love makes us strong; but in fact it's letting go.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like nobody's watching.

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But one of the attributes of love, like art, is to bring harmony and order out of chaos, to introduce meaning and affect where before there was none, to give rhythmic variations, highs and lows to a landscape that was previously flat.

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True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.

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Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.

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Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.

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If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.

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"We like to be loved, it's nice, but what we really love is loving! Loving ourselves, loving other people - that's how we experience love! And the fewer conditions we put on the love we feel, the better the experience ... for everyone."

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You don't have to go looking for love when it's where you come from.

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Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.

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Never forget that the most powerful force on earth is love.

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Love is an energy - it can neither be created nor destroyed. It just is and always will be, giving meaning to life and direction to goodness. Love will never die.

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Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.

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You can't touch love, but you can feel the sweetness that it pours into everything.

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We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

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Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

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Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.

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Love's greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred.

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What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

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Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

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Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

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If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

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Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

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One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.

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You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

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Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff that life is made of.

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A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

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I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

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Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.

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You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.

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Love creates an "us" without destroying a "me".

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Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood

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You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

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Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away. To laugh often and love much ... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self... this is to have succeeded.

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What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!

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Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.

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Funny Movie Quotes

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Terminator lines "Hasta la vista, baby"

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Robert De Niro from Taxi Driver "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?"

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mr. Humphrey Bogart himself when he symbolically toasts to Ingrid Bergman:

Here's looking at you, kid.
~ Casablanca (1942) ~

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Don't apologize - it's a sign of weakness.
~ She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) ~

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Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.
~ Betty Davis in All About Eve (1950) ~

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New rule in this house starting now! Nobody's to touch anybody anywhere with anything for the rest of their lives!
~ Claire Huxtable - The Cosby Show (Phylicia Rashad) ~

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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
~ Jerry Seinfeld ~

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Your contact, while interesting in the context of science fiction, was, at least in my memory, recounting a poorly veiled synopsis of an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle.
~ Gillian Anderson as Agent Scully in the X-Files ~

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There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
~ Airplane ~

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Scarecrow (Ray Bolger): 'I haven't got a brain ... only straw.'
Dorothy (Judy Garland): 'How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?'
Scarecrow: 'I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking ... don't they?'
Dorothy: 'Yes, I guess you're right.'
~ Wizard of Oz ~

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Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
~ Dumb and Dumber ~

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One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I don't know.
~ Animal Crackers ~

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Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
~ Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind ~

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I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.
~ The Godfather ~

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I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
~ The Wizard of OZ ~

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May the Force be with you.
~ Star Wars: A New Hope ~

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I love the smell of napalm in the morning!
~ Apocalypse Now ~

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E.T. phone home.
~ E.T. ~

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A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
~ Silence of the Lambs ~

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Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?
~ Carrie ~

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How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?
~ Carrie ~

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Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
~ Miranda ~

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I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you.
~ Samantha ~

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Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ.
~ Dwight Schrute ~

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Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.
~ Jim Halpert ~

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This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
~ Michael Scott ~

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This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.
~ Michael Scott ~

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I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.
~ Pam Beesley ~

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We are men of action, lies do not become us.
~ Westley ~

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You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.
~ Fezzik ~

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You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.
~ Buttercup ~

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Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
~ Inigo Montoya ~

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She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her I shall be very put out.
~ Prince Humperdinck ~

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Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.
~ Star Wars: Episode 4, spoken by Princess Leia ~

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Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?
~ Star Wars: Episode 5, spoken by Princess Leia ~

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Han Solo: "Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.
Princess Leia: "That doesn't sound too hard."~ Star Wars Quotes ~

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I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you.
~ Star Wars: Episode 4 ~

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Funny Quotes

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Funny quotes and funny sayings galore - all for you to explore!

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May this rare treasure of humorous quotes that we give away truly inspire an absolute wondrous day!

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Alright, enough with this poetic wit, let's get on with some good funny quotes sh...!

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

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I can resist everything except temptation.

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A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

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I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.

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Live everyday like it was your last, and eventually you'll be right.

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I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

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The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

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When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

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TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

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On cable TV they have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.

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Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime.

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My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.

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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

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And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"

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There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened.

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Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

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God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (ie everybody), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

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The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

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In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.

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There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

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By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

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The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

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If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

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I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

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To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

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Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.

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Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

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If everything is coming your way you're in the wrong lane!

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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

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I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

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I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.

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